I made my first payment on my student loan recently. I hate the feeling of drowning in debt. I guess I’m pretty lucky that I don’t have to worry about paying for rent at the moment, but every time I think about how much money I have to pay off I start to panic. It’s preventing me from doing things, because the idea of owing a lot of money makes me feel really uneasy and guilty. Hopefully I’ll be able to pay most of it off before I go to grad school (and put myself in more debt) by 2015!
My most prevalent concern is becoming stagnant. In college, there was always something to look forward to, always something to aim for. A great party, a miserable term paper, going home for a week — there was always something in sight. I fear post-college is an endless tunnel. The only thing I can think to do about this is to keep moving. The only thing I can think to do is keep living and try to progress and change whenever possible, as frequently as possible. Stay in touch with friends, visit whenever possible, be open to love but don’t obsess over it, make a little bit of money, stay alive.
― Spencer Radcliffe, ”It’s Really Sinking In That College Is Over”
Try not to beat yourself up over having obtained a ‘useless’ Bachelor’s Degree. Debt is hell, and things didn’t pan out quite like you expected, but you did get to go to college, and having a degree isn’t the worst thing in the world to have. We will figure this mess out, I think, probably; the point is you’re not worth less just because there hasn’t been an immediate pay off for going to school. Be patient, work with what you have, and remember that a lot of us are in this together.
― January Nelson, 25 Things To Do Before You Turn 25
Officially done with college. Graduation is on Sunday. When did I get so old?!
It’s a really weird time in my life. All these people that I went to elementary, middle, and high school with are living “real lives”. By that, I mean, some are getting married, a good portion are going to graduate school, and others are starting fascinating careers. It’s hard not to feel a little bit jealous or inadequate when you have absolutely no idea what is going to happen after you get your $120,000 degree. I’m a planner, so it’s really difficult to not have any control over my future or where I’ll end up. Anyway, I hope that something comes my way soon, something that tells me that everything is going to work out. I need some reassurance right about now.
The past couple of weeks have been insane, but I don’t regret a thing. Despite the ridiculous amounts of homework, I’m really going to miss college. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited to graduate and move on to the next chapter in my life. However, I realize that there will never be a time in my life that I’ll be as care free as I am now. After May 20th people are going to expect me to be mature and act responsibly, so until then I’m committed to having the time of my life.
I hate when professors force students to turn in a rough draft. I don’t write rough drafts!
Today was the first day of the semester and I’m already over it. I just don’t give a fuck anymore. I can’t wait to graduate and start my “real life”. I hate all the classes that I’m taking. They all require a ridiculous amount of work, even though I’m taking all electives. In one of my classes, I sat next to a girl who wouldn’t stop biting her nails and spitting them out. To make matters worse, every time the professor would say something remotely funny she would burst out laughing like a damn hyena. School right now feels like a total complete waste of time. I just want to get my degree and get the fuck out.
I drove aimlessly around the Bay Area today and it reaffirmed my love for California. Hopefully I can find a job here once I graduate next year.
